Genius Deferred

Everyday I wake up and ask myself "why don't I have a job?". At least once a day, I ask this question to some friend or family member over the phone. We're all perplexed, and no one has any answers. It just doesn't seem fair that a college educated, intelligent, bright, ambitious, and energetic young woman can't seem to find good employment.

When I talk to people, the looks of disbelief on their faces at the fact that I'm not working is almost comical. It's as if people can't conceptualize what it is that might be keeping me from the employment ranks. No one has any answers. All they can do is shake their head.

I've started to believe that this is serving as a time where I am being "tested". I long believed that God would take care of me, and provide for all of my needs, but sometime a few weeks ago I lost that belief. Outright. Gone. I felt completely and utterly alone in this world, knowing that I'm utterly powerless to change any and everything that happens to me in this world. Don't get me wrong. I'm not feeling bleek or sorry for myself. I just realized that I am haplessly and aimlessly wandering through life and there's not much that's within my power to change anything about my current situation. I can't make someone give me a job, nor am I in the place where I can financially afford to invest in my own future and create a job for myself.

I'm just BEING. Stuck in a conundrum waiting on all this stuff to finally come to an end. What I mean by "end", only time will tell, but for now, I really and truly to feel as if, once again, GENIUS is being DEFERRED. All this talent and wit, wasted. It's just sad and pathetic that we live in a world where someone like me sits inert, on the internet, writing to no one, while no one in particular cares...

The Grammys - 2008

It's the 50th Anniversary of the NARAS's Grammy Awards show, and for the last 5-6 years, I admit it's been an event that I've found I care less and less about as time passes. It's not because I necessarily dislike the music that's be produced from their respective artists, but it's more so based on the fact that every passing Grammy year reminds me of yet another failure in my own life, as I'm no closer to getting to the awards show than I was when I decided I wanted to win an award when I was 4.

Well, the motivation behind this post comes from Vince Gill's acceptance speech as he received the Best Country Music Album of the Year award. In his speech, he quoted someone by saying, "Music is the only true place where democracy lives". My first thought was "Bullshit"!

I've been in "Stifle City" more than a year, and whenever I tell someone I'd like to break into the music industry, they always start by giving me tips on how to break into Gospel music!
Why is that you may ask? Is it because it's "the Bible Belt", or because Gospel Music is slowly taking a back seat to Country Music in the Music City? NO! It's because I'm a Black woman! That's why. It's inconceivable to many to believe that I'd ever have any desire to break into the music industry, and just the outright assumption that because I'm Black I'm automatically looking to get my foot in the door with Gospel music. A genre I haven't listened to in more than 15 years!

Anywhoo, I felt the need to point that out.
I'm sure no one cares, because right now, I don't have any readers. SMH & LOL.